My wish
by teaing
Summary: [Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle] [Shounen-ai] [Chp 7 up!] An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? Yuki takes a moment to reflect on things... R&R!
1. Let me dream of you

**Title**: My wish

**Disclaimer**: Any of the characters in this fan fiction do not belong to me. They belong to all-might CLAMP, *worship worship*.

**Rating**: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.

**Summary/spoilers**: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'

Warning: Shounen-ai- YukixTouya

Other notes: Redraft of this story, finally got hold of my beta *hugs Yasmin* Thanks girl. ^^ Anyhow enjoy and please read and review! ^^ Author works faster with comments. *bows*  

Chapter 1

Let me dream of you 

Touya…

What happened to our friendship?

Our understanding?

I see in your eyes a stranger only.

Where did I make a mistake?

Touya…

Your majesty…

Let me dream of you.

~*~

Chapter 1

Let me dream of you 

Touya…

What happened to our friendship?

Our understanding?

I see in your eyes a stranger only.

Where did I make a mistake?

Touya…

Your majesty…

Let me dream of you.

~*~

Yukito, the strongest mage in the country and advisor to King Touya, was bored, if indolence could be blamed on boredom. He felt too lethargic to move; thinking was making his head ache. The feeling was as if one is thinking too hard- so hard that it feels as if your brain being consumed. 

Why couldn't he stop feeling this guilt? This guilt was beyond his understanding, he'd thought everything through logically and even now opposing feelings clashed with one another. Yuki could not have helped Sakura by himself- so he sent her to someone who could. What happened beyond that was out of his hands.

Right? Right. His mind said that there was no use in blaming himself for how things had turned out. Not that events had turned so badly in the end. Or was it really the end? Sakura was alive, a little disoriented but she appeared as cheerful as ever. Syaoran was away on an expedition of some sort; the poor boy needed some time to cope with the loss of the Princess.

The mage understood perfectly why Syaoran had chosen to go away for a little while. If Yuki could he would've gone away for a while he would have gone as well. Glancing outside the window of his room, a sigh escaped his pale lips. The story was over, wasn't it? They'd won. The mission had been completed, everyone was happy… weren't they?

That was a rhetorical question that had a bad answer. No one seemed happy lately. Especially not the king; when Sakura returned Yuki saw life return to those haunted eyes. But when those he had turned to look at his advisor, at his best friend, there was something in those haunted eyes that said- _You should've been able to help her. _

Flinching and looking away, Yukito had bowed to the king and joined the festivities in town. Despite the dancing, the intoxicating music, the advisor found that he could not get lost in the music. But he wasn't the only who appeared miserable on that night of celebration.

Slinking around the corners was Syaoran, with a shadowy smile on his face as his eyes came into contact with Yukito's. Something passed between them and the mage rose to join the boy. With him were the two other men from the dimensions who had helped return Sakura's memories- a wizard from the Celes country, Fye D. Flowright, and a ninja from Japan, Kurogane. 

Although their manner was relaxed, sorrow also showed in their eyes. The three of them had been through so many things together… Yuki couldn't even begin to understand how deep their bond was. Well… it seemed to be… like the bond he had once shared with Touya. Before the attack. Before Sakura lost her 'wings'. 

"Syaoran…" Yukito said stopping in front of the trio. He tried to smile but failed to do so and instead inclined his head politely, "How are you?" Not the most suitable question, but Yuki didn't know what else he could ask.

Syaoran looked away, shifting uncomfortably, "I'm alright, tired from the trip." That was lie, they all knew that but no one dared say anything. After an awkward pause the boy looked up at Yukito and for one moment a true smile lit his face, "Seeing her… like this… is enough for me."

"Hai…I understand." Yukito looked back at the festivities. Princess Sakura was the star of the spectacle as she danced about, her eyes shimmering under the candlelight. Her clothes flitting one way or the other as she twirled on the dance floor under the watchful eye of her brother. 

Casting one quick glance at the king, Yukito seemed to be relived to see Touya's smile. However when he felt the advisor's questioning eyes on him Touya looked up and the smile froze in place. The king was trying to keep it in place, to keep his real thoughts from showing clearly in his face, and if it had been anyone but Yukito they wouldn't have noticed the difference.

But Yuki did. The mage forced himself to return the stiff smile before they both looked away. It was painful. Yukito had not understood how painful it actually felt until now. Perhaps it was Syaoran's sorrow seeping into him, maybe it was just Yuki's paranoia, but for whatever reason the pent-up misery he felt inside threatened to spill out.

'No.' He told himself firmly and cast another awkward look at the group. Fye smiled sympathetically at Yuki as if he knew what was passing through his mind. The four figures stood there for another while in silence, while the music floated in the room and the joyful cries of others hummed about them. But they all seemed so far away. _He _seemed so far away.

When Syaoran spoke again, it jerked them all back to reality and away from their thoughts. "I was thinking of going away for awhile Yukito, Kuro-chan says he would like to explore more ruins." The boy smiled, but his eyes were empty. Yukito felt sorry for the boy. "There are some here, in the east, so we will be going away for a little while…"

Yuki opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it again nodding numbly, "I see…" he said carefully. "But you'll come back right?" Syaoran smiled again- it was that same empty smile.

"Yes-" his lips said. But his eyes said no. "Fye isn't going though," Syaoran continued as if it was nothing, "He thinks he could be of some use here, and besides, he could aid you. Yukito, you need some help here."

The mage was about to reply that he could handle affairs on his own well enough, but stopped nodding. He'd heard that Fye had no wish of returning to his dimension while Kuro-chan wanted nothing more than to go back home. Total opposites. Black and white.

"I was sorta hoping," Syaoran continued, but his eyes seemed so distant. So far away, his heart was so far away. "I was sorta hoping," he repeated, "That you'd teach him things about this place. I'm sure there are a number of spells you guys can trade and stuff."

The surprised expression on Yukito's face vanished in an instant. Syaoran knew. Didn't he? It seemed that he somehow understood the loneliness that haunted Yuki. Sayoran knew, although he wouldn't say it out loud. It was clear because he was prey to the same emptiness. _No one should be lonely; no one should have to go through what I went through._

And so here Yuki was- a couple of weeks had passed since Syaoran and Kurogane departed from town and headed towards the ruins in the east- staring out into the night sky. No moon, no stars and a vague feeling of hopelessness.

Fye had settled well enough in the castle; he'd been given a room next to Yukito's and spent his time reading in the library. There were so many things he didn't know. It was like teaching a gifted child. Every task was approached with enthusiasm and curiosity. 

In return Fye had taught Yuki about the world which he came from. About his creation called Chi, and his king Ashura- the sleeping king. The wizard was as fascinated about this world as the mage was of his.

The question of why Fye did not wish to return to his dimension went unasked- and unanswered. But Yukito had gotten enough hints to understand that it had something to do with the King- Ashura and the delicate tattoo that decorated Fye's back. 

Still, everyday he saw less and less of Touya. Yes, the king would call on him for his advice, but he would summon Fye at the same time. It was as if he was avoiding meeting Yukito on his own and that was beginning to irritate the mage. Had 18 years of friendship meant nothing?

Yukito had no one- no family, nothing. He'd never asked for anything in his life. Touya had been the one who became interested in gaining the mage's friendship… and now… Yukito pursed his lips in deep thought: _Never asked for anything in my life… but now I need to ask him, beg him…I don't want him to leave me._

The mage's pride wouldn't allow him to do such a thing. Yuki sighed; _I didn't give him my friendship to have it thrown away like this. Especially because of something I don't even know I did… something that is not my fault. _

"Who am I kidding…" Yukito finally spoke up, but his only listeners were the walls of his room. _He is royalty, and *I* am the servant. Just because he didn't make the distinction before doesn't mean he shouldn't do it now._

Undressing and changing to his nightclothes, Yukito opened the covers to his bed and settled between the rich silk pillows. He had to try and get some sleep; otherwise tomorrow the headache would be worse.

His eyes flickered closed as he shoved his glasses somewhere to the side and snuggled into the blankets. The smell reminded Yukito of Touya- the same perfume the maids used on his clothing. Another sigh and he felt his weariness cave in.

"Touya…" Yukito whispered to the shadows of the room.

_Let me dream of you._

End of Chapter 1

Next chapter: _Who are you?_


	2. Who are you?

**Title**: My wish

**Disclaimer**: Any of the characters in this fan fiction do not belong to me. They belong to all-might CLAMP, *worship worship*.

**Rating**: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.

**Summary/spoilers**: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'

Warning: Shounen-ai- YukixTouya

Other notes: Please read and review! ^^ Author works faster with comments. *bows* Thanks to Tam Chronin, Yami no Tenshi and Victoria who reviewed. You guys rock. ^^ Revised version- thanks to my slave-driver muse Yasmin. XD

Chapter 2

Who are you? 

Let me smile at you.

Are you planning on hiding forever?

You cannot fool me.

Or were you simply lying from the beginning?

Who are you?

Touya…

~*~

The mage looked at his former best friend in disbelief. "Touya, you can't just have those ruins demolished like that just because…" Yukito protested, accidentally calling the king by name, as if he were his equal. Blushing madly the mage looked away but did not apologise.

Muttering was heard around the room, mostly from the other advisors. Had the high priest been getting a 'little' too close to their precious king? They certainly seemed to think so. Touya, who was initially shocked at Yuki's outburst, regained his cool in a matter of seconds and raised his voice- "Firstly, High Priest, I will not have you addressing me on such equal terms. Secondly, my resolution on this issue is final. Nothing good came out of that place before, and there is no reason to assume there will be anything good coming out of it now."

The high priest nodded grimly, "Yes, _your majesty._" Yukito's tone held an embittered note that was only been recognizable by Touya. Blue eyes met golden ones. Yuki's face seemed defiant for a second, before he bowed his head and reclaimed his seat next to the wizard Fye. 

But the tension felt in the room did not dissipate. The young princess, Sakura, looked between Yuki and Touya. She was smart; she could sense that there was something wrong between her beloved brother and his best friend.  Yukito had to give Sakura credit; at least she appeared to care more about this problem than her brother did.

Yuki felt a cold, heavy lump settle in his stomach. He felt angry, scared and most of all betrayed. How dare Touya treat him with the same indifference he showed the others? _He is the king. He can do as he pleases._

His heart was pounding in his chest with a sickening feeling. Worry took over him; Yuki was concerned on what Touya would do next. What would he say to his other advisors privately? Would he even bother to talk about Yukito?

With an inaudible sigh, Yuki looked away from Touya, hoping that the feeling of worry might go away. It didn't. The lump stayed right where it was and nothing could be done to make it disappear. 

Touya on the other hand, had regained his composure and guided the meeting again, explaining in detail precisely how those ruins were to be demolished. Yuki couldn't help but feel that had Sayoran been here, he would've been very angry.

_No one should be alone; no one should go through what I went through. _The message in Sayoran's eyes had been clear enough, but what had he really meant? Should he make the effort to amend things with Touya? Was such a thing possible?

Maybe he could try. There was nothing worse than not trying and regretting things later- but was there really? On the basis of that idea, Yukito thought that it had been in Sakura's best interest to send her away to the witch. What if he had not done that and she had died? Would Touya blame him all the same? Too many unanswered questions.

When the meeting was declared over, the only one who didn't budge from his chair was Yukito. The rest of the advisors all filed out of the room understanding the dismissal given by the King. Fye rose, casting a warning look at Yukito, but said nothing and instead took his staff and moved out of the room, beckoning Sakura to follow him.

Sakura seemed to understand Fye's hint and followed him outside, closing the door. She sincerely hoped her brother and Yuki would work things out. But deep down the princess didn't understand what the problem was. What had gone wrong?

Touya had remained silent on Yuki's determination to ignore his command and stay in the room. The tension between them only seemed to grow thicker with each passing second.

"Touya-"

"Yuki-"

"What's wrong?"

"What's the problem?"

Both looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, "Huh?" Yuki's expression showed confusion, "You are asking me what the problem is Touya? I don't know what the problem is, but I wanted to know what was wrong with you."

"There isn't anything wrong with me." The king said dismissively. "Don't be silly."

"It's not that, there is something wrong, something different between us." Yuki insisted, rising from his chair to face Touya. The king was sitting on his throne looking impassively at the high priest.

"I don't know where you got that idea." Touya said calmly, but keenly avoiding Yuki's eyes. "Maybe its time we played our roles. Maybe its time you played another role, didn't you say you loved reading and studying?"

"I could put you in charge of some education affairs, minister for education, how does that sound?" the king offered, sounding pleased at the idea for a new position. Yuki's face fell.

"You want to replace me?" Yuki's voice cracked slightly. "With someone else?" his throat was aching, his head throbbing. _But… you put me in this position because you wanted me near you always…what has changed?_

"Well, it's not like I want to replace you, you've been a great high priest, but the council has forced me to see it in a new light. After all, the way you sent Sakura and Sayoran to another dimension… well, the truth of the matter is- you took full responsibility for that action Yukito and you knew there would be repercussions."

"I was trying to save her life!" Yuki said looking pleadingly at Touya, "You know that Touya, you can't just replace-"

"Yukito," Touya's voice sounded annoyed, "I am not replacing you… it will be simply a change of position."

"And who is the likely candidate to be High Priest?"

"Fye D. Flowright."

~*~

Yukito was angry. That in itself was a strange thing; the mage rarely showed any emotion other than happiness, but anger? The word was hardly a part of Yuki's vocabulary. Fye, who was sitting opposite him, looked up from the book he had been immersed in. The question hung in Fye's eyes but Yuki's look told the wizard that the mage wouldn't tell him anything.

Which was just fine. If Yuki wanted to deal with the problem on his own Fye had no right to push him for an answer he wasn't be willing to give. 

_To each their own. _Fye thought calmly as he returned to his book, reading a chapter on the history of this kingdom. Not nearly as complicated as Celes' history, but interesting enough to keep Fye busy. The wizard was eager to ask more questions, but Yukito didn't seem in the mood for questions. 

The mage sighed; he really didn't mean to glare unpleasantly at the wizard and future high priest of the court. Oh yes, high priest- Yuki's position. Knowing that he would eventually be replaced, the unpleasant dreams he had last night and Touya's intransigent attitude this morning were all causes of his foul mood. _No, not Touya anymore- his Majesty. _Yukito corrected himself. 

The wizard however seemed oblivious to the tension earlier this morning. That or he was really trying his best to keep out of things. Yuki tapped his quill on the piece of parchment, began scribbling some notes, but then he dropped it by his side with a sigh. There was no way he could mange concentrating now.

"So." Fye seemed convinced that this was probably a good time to break the silence. Instead of seeing Yukito's mood improve after speaking with the King, the mage seemed not only depressed but also rather angry. 

"So?" Yuki repeated, forcing his voice to sound even. He wanted to yell at this guy, scream, and even blame him for taking Touya away. But had he? Something in Yukito told him that Fye had no idea whatsoever of the plans that laid in store for him.

"You spoke with Touya…" Fye said, treading carefully on the subject.

"And it didn't go so well." Yuki said with a tone of finality, returning his eyes to the scroll. Fye's expression didn't change but sorrow crossed his eyes for a brief second. He felt sorry for Yuki, but instead of pressing the subject he returned to his book. 

~*~

It was very late by the time Yuki left the library. So he liked the library, he did. Since when had Touya cared about what Yuki had wanted? The mage laughed at the irony of it all. 

There had been a time in which he would've been quite content in spending all his time in the library, just reading, studying, teaching… but there had been no hesitation on Yuki's part when Touya made him high priest. 

Touya wanted Yuki next to him in a time when Yukito wanted to be left alone in the library. Now that Yuki wanted to remain next to Touya, the king saw it fit to chuck him away like some kind of toy.

This whole affair made Yukito feel as if he were a dog. A dog that came running when Touya called.  _Good doggy, sit doggy, fetch, eat, sleep, drink…_Okay, perhaps he was exaggerating a bit…but…

Why replace him with Fye? It was not apparent to Yukito that the wizard had any abilities he himself didn't have. Was this a side of Touya Yuki had been oblivious to? Maybe, though the mage would not admit it to anyone, much less himself.

As the boy made his way up the stairs and along the corridors towards his room, he bumped into the person he least wanted to meet at that moment. The king. For a moment Yuki thought of bowing and walking past to his room, but Touya's face seemed troubled.

"Good evening majesty." Yuki said, stopping with a short bow. Touya acknowledged his presence with a nod. "Is there something the matter?"

The king seemed to remember exactly who he was talking to and straightened up. "Yes, yes, just fine, about to see what Sakura is up to."

"Really?" Yuki said, a hopeful look in his eyes, "You sure? You seem sorta troubled…." He was about to touch Touya's arm when the older boy moved back.

Taken aback, Yuki suppressed a sigh. Never before had Touya so openly made it clear that he disliked him. "I'm fine." Touya replied confidently but couldn't bring himself to dismiss Yuki.

"Who are you?" Yuki asked suddenly, his golden eyes reflecting the light from the candles on the walls. 

"I beg your pardon?" The king frowned as if he didn't understand the question. Touya thought that question was irrelevant and inane, but Yuki's eyes were perfectly serious so he forced himself to reply. "I'm your King, your friend, Touya." 

"Is this who you really are?" Yuki asked again, not appearing satisfied with the first answer. "Have you always been this way?"

"Of course this is who I am," Touya snapped, "Who did you think I was? What nonsense is this? I've always been this way, yes; no one came and changed me with a wave of a magic wand you know."

"Is this your real face?"

Touya stared at Yuki for a second before answering unsteadily- "Yes."

Yuki nodded, "So you were lying to me before?" Although neither of them was shouting, the hurt was becoming increasingly evident in Yuki's voice. Touya for his part kept his voice steady and calm.

"I'm not a liar." Touya retorted, anger in his voice now. "I do not lie, when have I lied?"

"Touya you were lying because whatever face you showed me back then wasn't real. You were lying." Yuki said, his eyes brimming with unshed tears, "So let me ask you the question again- who are you?"

"Who are you?" Yuki repeated his question although now his tone sounded even. Cold, unfeeling, like Touya's controlled voice. But Yukito's eyes were still watery. 

"I'm Touya…" the king replied smoothly, trying to conceal his puzzlement at Yukito's questioning. Had the high priest gone mad? Heavens- hadn't the gods put him through enough when his little sister had nearly died?

"You are certainly not my best friend." Yukito said raising his eyes to look eye to eye with the king. Touya's face didn't change, although Yuki was too angry to recognize the regretful expression that passed across the king's features.

"Yuki…" Touya said softly and for a moment he seemed close to hugging the boy, but instead his eyes hardened and he straightened up. "High priest. I will not have you acting in a disrespectful manner towards me. I will not have it, you are my advisor, the most trusted advisor I have, but there are some differences-"

"Differences you never before cared to point out." Yukito interrupted.

"Either way Yukito- high priest- perhaps I should have made the differences between you and me clearer before." Touya didn't voice that he felt as if he had trusted Yuki with too much. And Yuki had taken advantage of that by sending his sister and the brat to another unknown dimension. Heavens knows they survived that- but at what cost?

Without allowing Yukito to speak further Touya stepped past the high priest as if he were part of the wall. Yuki clenched his fists. He didn't know what hurt the most, the fact that Touya just confronted him and told him how things were to be from now on or the fact that his best friend had just betrayed him.

The mage gritted his teeth. _You were lying about who you were Touya._

_Why?_

_Were you always like this?_

Who are you? 

End of Chapter 2

Next chapter: _This is me_


	3. This is me

**Title**: My wish

**Disclaimer**: Any of the characters in this fan fiction do not belong to me. They belong to all-might CLAMP, *worship worship*.

**Rating**: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.

**Summary/spoilers**: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'

Warning: Shounen-ai- YukixTouya

Other notes: Please read and review! ^^ Author works faster with comments. *bows* Thanks to Tam Chronin, bronzeeagle13,Syaoranfan, Yami no Tenshi, Kammy and pipichan for reviewing. ^-^ THANK YOU!

Chapter 3

This is me 

The surprise is written 

On every inch of your face.

Tell me why?

Did I really surprise you?

Or is this a façade?

You are joking-

How could you not know

This is me.

~*~

Being King was hard. Being a friend was even harder. I console myself with the fact that at least I am a good king… or so I like to think. But being a friend is too complicated; one second he's smiling and the next he's frowning. What am I supposed to make out of that?

When did I turn into the bad guy of this tale? 

Yuki. 

Why won't you look at me? Did my answers stun you? Well, you shouldn't have asked those questions if you did not wish to hear the answers. Although it's a little too late for that now, isn't it?

I stop before your door, but I do not knock. Are you awake or are you dreaming? If you are dreaming, then whom are you dreaming about? 

My mind is filled with the perfect image of your sleeping face breathing softly in rhythm as you rest in such sweet stillness. Your hair invites my hand to reach out and caress it but my brutish touch does not affect your slumber.

Your slim body, delicate wrist, so thin, so weary… it would be so easy to break you. But I would never… I promised myself I would never hurt you…but…it's in my nature.

My arms, my body, so powerful, the sign of my warrior training… What good is a king who cannot protect his people? Who cannot fight alongside his soldiers? A coward is not fit to lead others. 

You are the only person I ever ran away from. 

Yes, you…

Yuki. 

I'm not a coward, but you already know that _mage_. I am the emblem of my people and I am the hope that drove them through this war. What are you? You are…I don't know who you are anymore. So as you asked me before, let me ask you now- who are you?

At one time, you were my other half, my advisor, my family. Going a day without seeing you brought melancholy from the depth of my soul. Now everyday that I see you makes the weariness in my heart sting deeper.

It hurts deep inside, but my face remains impassive. My fingertips itch, waiting to hit you, but the thought of that is repulsive. How did I come to have such revolting judgment? The thought of being without you overwhelms me but desiring you suffocates me.

Tell me why?

Breathe Touya, yes. Keep breathing and just walk away. Away from this cursed door where the cursed one sleeps. The one who almost took your sister's life. The one who holds the most powerful weapon in all the land…

~*~

But Touya was not the only one who was up late. Striding along the corridor with an exhausted expression on his face was Fye. The wizard wore a long white nightgown with a cap, which had probably been selected by Yukito. He held a long piece of parchment in his left hand and a burning candle in his right.

The king didn't have enough time to duck out of sight. Spotting him, Fye gave a short bow, before yawning widely and quickly covering his mouth, nearly hitting himself with the scroll. "Isn't it a bit late to be up and about your majesty?"

"Ah-er- well, yes, but I couldn't sleep." Touya said coughing slightly.

"Oh, so you wanted to see if Yukito could offer you a draught for sleeping?" Fye suggested in a mild tone. However, his look made it clear that he was insinuating something else, something Touya didn't want to think about…

"Um…"Touya paused for a second before carefully structuring his answer. Fye was harder to fool than Yuki in some ways, though Yukito knew him better. "Yes, I have had signs of insomnia lately, but the high priest was fast asleep when I knocked on his door so-"

"Want me to knock again? I'm sure he won't mind being woken up. I suspect he would be rather worried if he found out you could not get any sleep your majesty." Fye bowed lightly again and Touya had the slight suspicion he did that just to hide his smirk.

The king didn't want to see Yuki; when the mage awoke his expression was so innocent…Touya shook his head and folded his arms, "No, _Yuki_," he said pointedly, "Needs to get some sleep, so why don't you just make the potion?"

Fye smiled innocently. "Of course your highness. I have to admit I am rather inept at brewing any herbal mixtures, but let's see if Yukito's training has rubbed off on me. Are you sure you don't want him to do it?"

"No." the king said firmly, "Just lead the way to your chamber."

~*~

"I'm not going to drink that." Touya said. He was sitting on a comfortable looking chair. Fye's room was spacious, like Yuki's. It had a huge window on one side, with bookshelves on the other side, and a desk littered with scrolls.

A door on the right led to a bathroom in which there was also a huge wardrobe for clothing which held a wide selection of outfits. Back in the main room, a thin lining of curtains separated the immense bed from the rest of the room. 

At this moment, a cauldron underneath a magical fire stood in the middle of the room, as Fye held a magic book in his hands muttering to himself. "But it smells fine!" the wizard protested. 

"It's not the smell that bothers me-"

"I'm sure it tastes like strawberry-"

"I'm more concerned about what effect it will have…"

"I told you we should've called Yuki for this!" Fye threw his arms up in the air, exasperated.

Touya raised an eyebrow. Had Fye just called Yukito Yuki? But that was _his_ nickname for the mage. Since when had they been on such friendly terms? The king shook his head; he was letting his imagination run wild again.

But jealousy had such powerful influence…

That is, assuming that he was jealous of course. And after all, why should he be? 

No, of course he was not! What a silly question. Touya shook his head again. Maybe it was best that he try and get some sleep… "I'm afraid I've wasted your time wizard."

"Ohhh no, you're not going to leave this to waste, you are going to drink it."

"No." Stare.

"Yes." Stare back. 

"No." Glare.

"Yes." Glare back.

"N- look this is getting annoying." Touya pressed two fingers to his temple.

"That's the point." Fye said beaming at the king. Touya sighed- this man was impossible! Honestly, with his eternal smile and bright eyes… he reminded the king… he reminded the king… of…

Yuki.

Sucking his breath in surprise Touya looked away from Fye's puzzled face. "Ano… have I done something wrong?" Concern was the only tangible emotion in Fye's words. 

"No Fye, I'm just a bit drained tonight." Touya rose from his chair, inclining his head in a polite gesture. "After all, morning is coming soon is it not?"

The wizard gave a polite nod, "It is. I'm afraid I've kept you here far too long your majesty. It may be best that you get yourself to bed- after drinking my potion of course." Fye's innocent smile turned mischievous.

Giving an impatient sigh, Touya shook his head again, "I told you that drinking that is probably going to make me sick."

"And then Yuki can nurse you back to health." That phrase had been meant to be harmless, although Touya's renewed scowl caused Fye to blush in awkwardness and look away. 

"Sorry… I thought you guys were…. You know…" Fye fell silent again when he felt Touya's piercing stare on him. "Sorry." The wizard apologised curtly.

"You should… probably know that-" Touya paused for a second, staring at Fye. Now that he looked at him closer, he saw that Fye had an air similar to Yukito's, just less naïve. "That you will be high priest in this country soon."

Whatever Fye was expecting Touya to say, he was unprepared for that statement. 'Ah… so that's why Yuki was so defensive towards me…' the shock was evident on his face for a few moments before Fye assumed an indifferent expression, "Demo- what about Yukito-san?"

"The council has already decided-"

"But you can't do that to Yuki! Isn't the king supposed to be the one who decides this kind of stuff?" Fye said, showing a trace of anger about Touya's choice of making him high priest. It was rare for the mage to show anything other than a patient, pleasant air…just like…

Yuki.

"Maybe." The king replied in an enigmatic tone. None of his features betrayed any inner thoughts or emotions. Perchance Touya didn't feel anything at all; could he be capable of ridding himself of his best friend without even thinking about it twice?

"Demo…" Fye protested again, "I can't accept it, I won't…"

Touya didn't reply, just looked at Fye, scrutinizing his face. Somehow, his expression seemed extremely similar to Yukito's. He could tell by the way Fye's lips moved that he was upset about the news. 

"Doesn't Yuki get a say in this?" Fye pleaded, voice rising.

Touya stepped past the wizard and stirred the potion, "No." At that curt answer, Fye felt like screaming at Touya. Instead the soon-to-be high priest turned and helped Touya stir the mix.

He had been expecting Fye to scream at him, or get mad or something, but his indifference now took Touya by surprise. 'Well, its better for him to get used to it like this.' Touya thought.

Fye's eyes seemed to tell another story, and the wizard was in deep thought. "Will you drink it now?" Once again, the mage held the cup towards Touya. Feeling he had nothing to lose, Touya took the cup in his hands and took a sip.

"Uhg-" Disgusted, the king shoved the potion away from him. "You were right; we should've called Yukito for this."

Eyes lighting up with glee, Fye grinned. "I told you so!" he cried triumphantly.

"My head-" Touya pressed his fingers to his temple. The room began to spin around him, faster and faster. 

"You'd best sit down highness…" Fye said, uncertain.

"I'm alright…" Touya grabbed Fye's arm for support. The wizard did his best to hold him up, but Touya was better built.  Taking a step back to balance himself, Fye landed on the chair Touya had been sitting on before, and Touya slumped on top of him.

'Oh god…' Fye cursed silently, "Yuki!" the wizard called for the aid of his colleague. Yuki could undo whatever Fye had just caused…

"Yuki!" Fye shook Touya's shoulder, "It will be alright your highness… the high priest will be here soon…"

"But… you're the high priest…" Touya muttered, his eyelids fluttering.

Fye shook his head, "No- I'm not your highness, I'm just Fye! One of the companions of the brat that saved your sister…" he tried sitting up, but Touya was too heavy; the king had unconsciously pinned him down, "Yuki!"

"I…know… who… you are…" Touya said, trailing off. "That's why….I…." the king moved forward, pressing his lips against Fye's for a second as the wizard looked up in surprise.

The door to Fye's room opened and a sleepy voice sounded, "Fye what on earth are you-" Yuki froze at the sight before him. Touya was literally sitting on top of Fye, kissing him. They were kissing. Yuki's mind froze.

Hearing Yukito, Fye pulled away from Touya. "Yukito, it's not what you think! You see, he drank this potion and-"

"It had bad effects?" Yuki finished, mustering up as much calm as possible. Fye nodded, motioning to Touya, who was looking at Yukito as if the mage was a ghost or a very frightening apparition.  

Did I really surprise you? 

"Yuki…" 

_How could you not know…_

_This is me._

Then, for the king, everything went black.

End of Chapter 3

Next chapter: _If I could say it._


	4. If I could say it

**Title**: My wish

**Disclaimer**: None of the characters in this fan fiction belong to me. They belong to all-mighty CLAMP, *worship worship*.

**Rating**: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.

**Summary/spoilers**: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'

Warning: Shounen-ai- YukixTouya

Other notes: Special thanks to my muse- Yasmin (don't know what I would do without you ^^), Nini, spyn1l, lain, Tam Chronin, Victoria, Pipi-chan, for your thoughtful comments. Thanks to sarcastic_ash and Masako for providing me with some FyeFye info. And lastly thanks to my other Fye-lovers, Taro-chan, Fuuko-chan and Umidori-chan. *huggles* 

^___^ Hopefully things will start making sense from this chapter onward… ^^; Please read and review! ^^ Author works faster with comments. *bows* 

Chapter 4

If I could say it 

When I see you…

The words threaten to spill out.

I'm scared,

But if I knew you better

Then I wouldn't be afraid

To say it.

If I could say it

~*~

Never before have I been in a state of speechlessness. But as I look up to stare at Yukito, words and explanations seem irrelevant. What could I say to make him understand? Was there anything to understand?

Judging by Yuki's expression, he didn't think so. '_Give me the ocular proof', _Othello said, for he would not otherwise believe his Desdemona to be a whore. So here was proof beyond doubt.

Yukito had seen us kissing; what could either of us say to that? Nothing, absolutely nothing. It would've been an insult to his intelligence to try and contradict what he'd seen. 

As I imagined the scene, my lips curved into a sardonic smile. _Sorry Yuki, but it wasn't what you thought. You see, I didn't actually kiss Ou-sama…he kissed me._

_He kissed me. _Those simple three words were bound to cause more harm than relief. Yukito would feel even worse if he heard that. Nevertheless, that explanation would make ME feel better, although my conscience would not allow me to say that to my fellow mage.

I would plainly like to state that my conscience is a bitch. Then again, I guess anyone else who had seen Yuki's face would have a bitchy conscience too. His eyes had just been so heartbreaking.

And here I was thinking that *I* was heartless. 

I was also regretting my decision to staying here. Yes, I did promise Syaoran that I would watch over Sakura, but I agreed to it because I did not want to return to my dimension. Moi? Selfish? Nah. 

Okay, maybe just a little bit. But I couldn't help it, after all, it had been my wish to leave and never return to my dimension. However…since then… my wish had changed.

Don't get me wrong, I still want to stay in Clow country; it's just that now I realize that there's something missing. Such a long time has passed, and I have been alone for so long…

Sakura understood that right away; it was hard not to warm up to the young princess. I don't know what story she was told by Touya, but she regarded me as one of the saviours of her soul… she also asked a lot about my other two 'companions'. 

I told her everything I knew about Kurogane, the black ninja, which wasn't really much at all. Syaoran asked me not to speak too much about himself… he told me he would eventually come back and confront Sakura himself. So all I ever told her about Syaoran was this: "He is a very determined youth who cares deeply about those around him."

"Really?" Sakura's eyes widened with wonder, and I struggled not to look away. She looked so innocent, and I knew she wanted me to tell her more about Syaoran, but I could not. It was a promise after all.

"Fye, tell me more…" the young princess would scoot next to me as I closed the book. "Tell me about the worlds you've visited." And so I'd begin a retelling of the dimensions we'd travelled through to regain the princess' wings. 

Some details I had to leave out, but others Sakura would laugh at in delight and ask for more facts. She found our story of the kudan's especially fascinating…I admit that our time in the Republic of Hanshin was one of the best times of my life. We were all getting to know one another then.

Touya came down to listen to the stories as well. The first couple of times he was hesitant and hid behind a book or some scroll pretending to do work. Slowly he joined us, sitting on my left as I explained the different customs of the dimensions. 

He gave me an incredulous look when I told him he, along with Yukito, were waiters in a restaurant. Sakura had laughed so hard she had to hold on to her side because it ached. 

Come to think of it… Touya had smiled discreetly.

I never really took much notice of him, apart from acknowledging the fact that he was my king now. And there was also the fact that Yukito kept giving him puppy looks all the time… and whenever he thought no one was looking, Touya would give the high priest love-sick eyes as well. 

And *that* was the reason I would never make that same mistake. It made me cringe. There was something so uncertain about putting so much faith in someone… it was like making yourself vulnerable and open to being hurt and I didn't want that.

I'm scared of putting that much trust in someone. What if they got up and left? What would happen to me if they were gone? The only answer that circled in my mind was depression and vast despair.

I guess those were the reasons I decided to try and help Yuki out.  Pretty soft of me, huh? I was unaware I could fall so deep in this.

True, I didn't know I would fall in the *middle* of this whole Touya/Yukito affair. Maybe it was some kind of trick of fate**. **

Getting close to Touya was not an easy task, I've chatted to him in the halls occasionally and sometimes during mealtimes. The real opportunity came when he joined Sakura to listen to my stories. But normally he was very busy; Yuki mentioned to me once or twice that ever since Sakura's soul disappeared the king threw himself into his work like there was no tomorrow. 

Pity that Touya thought maintaining an aloof facade would keep him from hurting others. It was just that impersonal front the king kept now, which was hurting those he was trying to hard to protect. 

Approaching Yukito was not as difficult as Touya. The mage was a 'little distant ever since I woke up'- Sakura had commented. Maybe it hadn't been obvious at first, but the rift between him and the king had been widening ever since the incident with Sakura started. 

Why had things not improved since Sakura's return?  That was the million-dollar question.  My common sense told me that things ought to have sorted themselves out now that Sakura had returned.

That is why I tried to encourage them both to talk to each other. I didn't want to get too mixed up in the affair, so I did it subtly.

Touya never spoke of Yukito to me; he even referred to him as the high priest and nothing else. Nevertheless, Princess Sakura had explicitly told me Touya and Yuki had been childhood friends.

It seemed as if Yuki needed Touya more than Touya needed him. The shadows clouding Yukito's eyes… his forced smile, even when I slightly rubbed his shoulders- they were tense. It took a three-hour massage to soften them up. Jesus, talk about stressing out.

Yep, I was grateful for the fact I had locked away my heart when I left Celes. So far, it is still locked somewhere within me… or so I'd like to think.

When I see him, I can't help but feel my heart race. It's unwise, I shouldn't even consider these thoughts that cross my mind, I shouldn't even interfere in this affair… but now it's too late. 

It was only when I saw his face that I understood how deeply I'd buried my emotions.  My heart had been asleep for so long, and then Syaoran had to introduce me to him. He might have been a little cold at first but, eventually, I saw that there was so much more to him behind that chilly exterior.

Maybe he saw that in me too. 

Here I am being selfish again, but I can't help it. My heart aches… I cannot breath. Each breath I take causes me agonizing pain. Stop and think rationally Fye!  Think… don't feel, think…

Touya's taste is still so fresh on my lips. Oh god… I run my fingers along them nervously. What have I done? Please forgive me! I did not mean to hurt anyone… please…  I did not mean for that to happen!

I should not have returned that kiss, but I do understand why I did it. It was because my whole being had been calling out… wanting to be touched, loved, kissed… I had seen the way Touya and Yukito had looked at each other, and desired such a thing for myself.

But that kiss had been completely unexpected. Sure, I was giving Touya a flirtatious grin, but I didn't even expect him to notice. Besides, I had been trying to get Touya to admit he needed Yukito for the potion. 

Okay, so the potion I'd given him was not… proper. I was aware that I put a little too much of a certain herb, though I certainly didn't expect the king to collapse on top of me like that, much less give me *that* kind of look.

It had been a hungry look, like he too was aching to be touched. A deep understanding passed between us and then he kissed me… and I kissed him back, forgetting I called Yukito's name in panic.

That had not been a good scene. When I saw Yukito come in, I wanted to explain what had happened. The words threatened to come out. They needed to come out; but one look from his golden eyes changed my mind. Those sparkling gems, which held so much life in them, were dull, as if the fire in them had been quenched when Touya and I were caught red-handed. 

It was silly, they were not involved; Yukito himself had made that clear to me. But then… why do I feel so bad? I think it was because it felt good… the kiss, it made me aware that I need to be touched… but by doing that I had also made things worse between Yukito and Touya.

Then again, it had been Touya who kissed me first…Yukito had to know that. Or not; my conscience debated that in my head. It could well be the case that talking to Yukito now could make the situation worse.

The silence had been awkward when Touya fainted; I had to admit that if I had been the one in Yukito's position the whole thing would've looked bad… of course, instead of falling into the silent monotony Yuki had, I would've teased them both endlessly. 

"So, I suppose we should move him to his bed." Yukito suggested, walking over to us and checking Touya's pulse. Then the high priest walked over to the cauldron and, checking its contents, gave a nod. "A sleeping draught?"

"Yes, Touya said he couldn't sleep."  I answered, sliding out from underneath Touya's unconscious body.  "I wanted to wake you up at first but-"

"I don't need to know Fye." Yukito waved his hand over the pot and its contents disappeared. "You used a little *too* much sleeping herbs on the mixture; he'll be out cold until midday tomorrow at least." Then, turning towards me again, he motioned at the king. "You take his left."

So the two of us moved Touya out of my room and into his private chambers. I left the task of tucking him in to Yukito, although once or twice he gave me a questioning glance. A look that said, 'But don't you want to do this?'

Truthfully Yuki no, I don't. I overstepped my boundaries tonight and I am so regretting it no. Yes, the bad part of me is being greedy and saying it was worth it. A kiss was worth causing this pain.

"Yuki…." My lips part to offer some kind of explanation for the bizarre events that occurred tonight, but my voice is gone. I'm scared to say it.

But Yuki… if I knew you better… then I could try and explain. Try to make you feel better, comfort you or at least make you understand.  I can't though, and I'm sorry.

My eyes follow the high priest as he moves around the room, using a wet cloth to wipe Touya's brow. _I wouldn't be afraid to tell you what happened, Yuki, if only I knew you better._

When the room is sorted out Yuki and I leave, closing the door behind us quietly. "Fye, you better prepare some headache remedies for him. He's going to have a headache the size of Celes by the time he wakes up tomorrow."

  
"Demo… Yuki wouldn't you rather do that? After all, I did make a mistake on the sleeping potion just now…"

"Then it will be good practice for you, ne?" the false cheerfulness of his tone takes me by surprise and I wince.  Again, I open my mouth to say something, only to be cut off by Yuki's voice, "Well, goodnight Fye, I'll see you in the morning."

"Ah…hai. Good night." I hastily duck my head in a curt bow, watching Yukito's retreating back. Biting my lip, I can't help but feel guilty… Yuki… 

Yuki… when I see you, the words threaten to come out… but because I'm scared…I don't know you well… I can't…

_Yuki…_

_I'm sorry…_

_I want to tell you…_

_But I can't…_

_If only I could… say it._

End of Chapter 4

Next chapter: _Speak not to me._

Notes: Well that was cheerful. ^^; Nyea. Anyways, I drew a Fye fanart! ^^ So here-  (and don't go blind…^^~)


	5. Speak not to me!

**Title**: My wish

**Disclaimer**: Any of the characters in this fan fiction do not belong to me. They belong to all-might CLAMP, *worship worship*.

**Rating**: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.

**Summary/spoilers**: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'

Warning: Shounen-ai- YukixTouya, TouyaxFye 

Other notes: Please read and review! ^^ Author works faster with comments. *bows* Because of the way TRC is developing some things in the story will be sorta… different from the manga, ^-^ I will try to make adjustments and explain stuff so it all flows… as best as possible. ^^;;;  Thanks to x cHaoTiK drEamZ, spyn1l, silrayn silverwolf, Princesswashu7, pipichan, Umidori and everyone who reviewed last time! This chapter is for you guys (because your reviews keep the author inspired)

Also apologies for long time of no updating, school has been so busy lately… u_u. On the good side, the pause has allowed me to plan more of what will happen XP And yes, this is turning from a semi-AU into an AU. O-o

Chapter 5

Speak not to me! 

No, speak not to me

For I won't listen.

I wish to be away from here.

So?

What you have to say

That I have not heard before?

Leave me in my solitude.

I need no companions.

What?

Did you expect me to smile?

Why should I?

Just to satisfy you?

No, speak not to me

For I won't listen.

Speak not to me!

~*~

"You are avoiding everyone Yuki-kun, what's wrong?" Her voice is crystal clear, but I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear anything except silence. No, speak not to me for I will not answer.

"Yuki….please?" she pleads again and my heart does not have the strength to resist her. Things aren't her fault. _Ah but aren't they? If she had never gone into the ruins she would have not lost her soul and you would have not lost…Touya._ That nasty voice in my head won't go away anymore…

"Princess." I say finally, straining my voice to make it sound pleasant… No, speak not me, I don't want to speak and I don't want to listen. "I am merely feeling exhausted from work, nothing to be worried about."

"But you're avoiding everyone." She butts in quickly before I am able to finish my sentence.

"That's not true-"

"Demo, Fye-san said you were acting weird." Sakura pressed one hand over her crimson lips, eyes widening slightly as if she'd said something she was not supposed to say. Was I the only one missing something here? 

Fye. Bitterness along with resignation. Those were the feelings stirred up by that simple name. Fye D. Flowright. Mage from Celes. Companion of Syaoran. Yep, *that* Fye. 

"Did he now?" the tone is harsh and I cannot help it. Sakura takes a step back. Afraid of me? How uncharacteristic, I would never hurt her, in fact to save her life I had given up what was most precious in mine. "I believe Fye-san has better things to worry about than me."

With those last words the conversation had ended and I leave the room, my cloak billowing behind me. The cool silk brushes along my skin cold but so smooth… like Touya's delicate hands. He might have the skill of a warrior but his hands never grew coarse like other knights.

Must be all that royal blood. 

Not only Touya had changed, but Sakura also seemed so different since the return of her trip. None of us are quite sure of what happened. Kurogane and Fye were unwilling to say anything else to elaborate on Syaoran's story. 

Apparently the link between all the dimensions had a deeper impact than we've thought it would. So in a way my prediction had come true after all, Sakura had the power to change the world… all the worlds- just in a manner that none expected. For the greatest change came within oneself. 

And it caused trouble.

But Sakura was happy and that was Touya's wish. So I was ecstatic about it as well. Or rather I should be… but then why do I find it so hard to smile?

Touya you lied, you said that when we were in private we were childhood friends!

Is this the way friends treat one another? Or is it that you have no feelings for me? Not even as a friend…? But why Fye? If it had been someone else I could've understood… but Fye! Fye! Why him? Is it because… his power is more than mine? But he can't even see visions!

But you also said that my visions made you angry… I never thought you meant… angry- as in well… angry mad… I warned you Touya, I told you, you shouldn't be so mean. I said to you it was not good.

It could've never worked, you are King and *I* am servant. You always wanted compromise… for things between us in private to be normal. However, appearances mattered to you more, to the public we were King and high priest.

You nearly died that night Touya, after the soldiers attacked…. The poison was in your system. Cursing through your every vein. There had only been one way to save you.

There is a Wiseman who inhabits the mountains away from the city. Taishakuten** [1]** they call him and he is both respected and feared by all. You know him Touya, you saw him only once- that day before your parents died. 

I knew he had the means to save you, but the price he asked of me was high, but nothing was too much in return for your life. So I paid Taishakuten's price- the right to consume me.

I did that. Just to save your life.

Unclean, that's how I felt after it, so I was unable to confess the truth of your cure King and that's how it will remain: Untold.

~*~

Usually for me going down to the library is the most enjoyable activity of the day. I enjoy watching the sunlight pour through the crystal windows, lightening in the room, then leaving it in darkness once again…

Light was capricious. It only came when it wanted, then it left again without so much as a backward glance towards anyone or anything. Light. It cleared the musky scent and vile air. Light filtered through the stained glass… only fragmented rays stream across.

Today the light was not enough to lift my spirits; the murkiness of the room seemed to press onto me, sucking me into that darkness. Yes. I couldn't stay here right now… turning on my heels to exit the room I bumped into the person I was least likely to expect. One of the people I didn'tneed to see. One of the people I didn't _want_ to see. For me the memory was too strong, too vivid still. 

"Fye-"

The light-haired man hesitated as if afraid of saying something that would cause me to lash against him. But why? I had accepted the fact that he was to become High Priest… although my brain still refused to accept part of what had occurred last night. 

"Good day Yukito."

"Is it?"

Fye blinked twice as if unsure of what I meant. My eyes swept behind him looking at the white wall with its golden symbols. Most people don't know that the symbols mean something; they come from our ancient language and illustrate spells for protection. Defence against attacking magic-wielders.  

"What is?" Fye finally asked slowly, giving his lazy superficial smile. Well that was better than a frown or a blank face. I returned the gesture flashing a fake smile of mine, that seemed to be enough to encourage him to continue this chat and not exit down the hall as fast as he could.

"The day," Smoothing down the edge of my priest attire I half-shrug, "Is it good?"

Comprehension lights his features as he nods quickly, "Yeah, a nice day."

I don't answer; his comment doesn't need an answer. *I* don't think it's a nice day, but why tell that to someone who already knows?  Fye can tell by my silence that I don't agree, or like it.

"Dammit Yukito, you're making me feel as this is all MY fault." Fye cried out, reaching out to touch my arm. I remained like a stone under his grasp… he had such nimble fingers.

"Isn't it?"

"That's not fair on me Yuki, if I'm at fault then so are you and Touya."

"How so?"

"You should've told him the truth about how you felt and he… he kissed me." Fye said breathlessly then gasped as if he let out something he had no intentions of speaking before. Boy did people seem to be doing that a lot lately around me. Guess subtlety was not their forte. 

I visibly flinched the words echoing in my head. 

_Touya kissed Fye. _

_Touya chose Fye._

"Wait-"

For I was already beginning to retreat, back into my solitude away from this mundane business. I ignored my heartbeat, which was now throbbing painfully, come to think of it, my head also pounded and for that moment I hated them both. Hated them with such a burning passion I never knew it was possible to loathe anyone as much as I did.

It felt like betrayal. "I shouldn't have said that…" Fye continued. "You love Touya-sama…"

Did I? I wasn't sure. "You tell me High Priest, since you seem to know everything that goes on around here better than myself." I drew on acidly. A hurt expression crossed his features but I didn't know if it was the use of a more formal title or the tone, which had caused that. Maybe it had been neither and Fye was just feeling sorry for himself again.

"Yuki…"

"That's _Yukito-san_ to you, High Priest. Good evening." Giving a small curtsy I retreated back into the study, back to my books and knowledge. Knowledge, the true happiness in my life… or so I like to tell myself.

~*~

It was late when the knock was heard at my door. Scrolls were littering the room and my lap was burning low. I contemplated the possibility of ignoring the knock altogether and getting back to my studies but then the knock came again this time more insistent.

Sighing, I resign myself to the fact that I will have to answer the door, pulling the chair back I rise in a fluid motion then head towards the entrance, making space on the floor by pushing scrolls aside. 

Knocking comes again for a third time as I hover near the door. _Yes, I've heard you already and I can tell you won't go away._ The golden handles are cold underneath my grasp as I pull the door open, then time seems to freeze.

"Touya…" My mouth is dry as I mutter the name.

"Yuki." He replies with the same tone. "We need to talk." He's even ignored the fact I forgot to call him 'Ou' or something more respectful. This must be one of those 'serious' chats. 

_But Touya, I don't want to talk…_

_No, speak not to me, for I won't listen._

End of Chapter 5

Next chapter: _Look at us now._

[1] Taishakuten is originally from RG Veda, the evil emperor.

Notes: ^^ RG Veda fans I hope you caught on the whole 'consume' me thingy XD. RG Veda is such a lovely manga. I thought it would link well since Ashura is important to Fye… lalala. ^^~ That's all I'm saying for now…


	6. Look at us now

**Title**: My wish

**Disclaimer**: Any of the characters in this fan fiction do not belong to me. They belong to all-might CLAMP, worship worship.

**Rating**: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.

**Summary/spoilers**: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'

**Warning:** Shounen-ai- YukixTouya, TouyaxFye X3

**Other notes**: Please read and review! Author works faster with comments. bows Thanks to everyone who has given me such wonderful reviews! HUGGLES I couldn't have gone on without you guys, thank you so much! I'm so sorry I left this story for so long... I ran into a huge writing block... and so this chapter is short... and sweet.

Chapter 6

Look at us now 

How did we come to

Walk down a street

With such a dead end?

Maybe it was fate.

Destiny never had

Enamelled our hearts together.

It was lie.

Look at us now,

Nothing but strangers

Nothing but shadows

Passing by one another.

Let us pass the time

Together.

So when others turn

They'll see,

We were friends before

But-

Look at us now.

"Come in." Yukito muttered lamely stepping aside to let me through. Gosh, did a whirlwind pass through his room? Everything seems to be in the wrong place, things, which were neatly in place before, are in disarray throughout the room.

His eyes remain on the floor as I look around discreetly at the mess. Silence rests between us, like a wall that won't let either one of us through.

"What is it that you want to talk about?" Yuki seemed to have regained his courage as he looked up at me with blank eyes. The lights that reflected off them only served to make them appear more lifeless... deader. Like a ghost, a beautiful apparition that stared into your very soul.

If he only knew that he could rip me to pieces.

Would he do it?

The idea would've been ludicrous at one time. Yukito, my high priest and best friend- hurt me? The insinuation of such a thing would've caused me to laugh in hysterics. But lately... I was realizing how much Yuki had changed and how far apart we've grown.

That hurt.

I guess, it's something that happens to everyone, friendships drift apart... and yet my heart was in denial. It clung to Yuki's memory so fiercely.

It frightened me.

And yet, the decay of such a friendship angered me.

Just how, how did he manage to stir up so much in me? Don't look at me like that Yukito, don't look at me as if I've been the one who ripped you apart. I didn't do it. Had I?

Had the brush between Fye and me meant so much to you?

"Touya?"

His light voice jerks me from my train of thought, why had I come here? Oh right-

"Fye said you weren't well, that maybe you were in need of a holiday-" And as soon as those words left my mouth, I wish I had remained silent.

Of course, me being who I am... had this amazing ability to end with my foot in my mouth. And keep it there for an extensive period of time... literally, of course. "-Don't look at me like that."

"How am I supposed to look at you then?" His voice rose slightly, in anger, frustration... sadness.

"You look at me as if I were to banish you."

Or hurt you.

"Aren't you?" His boldness surprised me slightly, but then again, could anything about him cease to surprise me?

What am I doing?

"You're being silly, I've never hurt you."

That was a lie, and we both knew it.

Yuki turned away from me, looking towards the window, his clothes making a soft rustling sound.

Don't... turn from me in such a way, Yuki. But then, it had been my fault... this. Isn't it? "Yuki..." My voice softens as I speak his name, and my arm reaches out for his own slowly.

Yuki becomes stiff under the contact, however he has turned to look at me. That's a good sign. It almost makes me feel as if we were a year back... before the whole mess with the dimensions began...

"Touya..."

Before I can stop him, he has embraced me, and nothing but Yuki assaults my senses. His ivory skin, light scented hair... just him. So close, yet never so far. As if his soul was not there.

His body was... just his mind –no- his dreams, were so far away. Unreachable.

Yuki didn't see that however.

For him, his dreams were right here, underneath his embrace.

_We were friends before_

_But-_

_Look at us now._

End of Chapter 6

Next chapter: _Interlude _


	7. Interlude

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Title**: My wish

**Disclaimer**: Any of the characters in this fan fiction do not belong to me. They belong to all-might CLAMP, worship worship. Songy belongs to See Saw.

**Rating**: PG-13 for now, rating might go up in later chapters.

**Summary/spoilers**: Yes, spoilers for Tsubasa but nothing major I think. An AU fic, Sakura has regained her memories and returned home, but is it a happy ever after? What if what happened to Sakura affected Touya more deeply than what he initially let on? Inspired by Tam Chronin's 'To those left behind'

**Warning:** Shounen-ai- YukixTouya

**Other notes**: Please read and review! Author works faster with comments. bows This chapter was done to the music of See Saw, special thanks to all who review!

Artyx- I know I'm evil... I do feel bad for Yuki now... As for the situation getting worse... oh it will don't worry. XD mwahha...

Yami no Tenshi- Thanks so much for reviewing each chapter! gives you candy and plushies XD I'm glad you're enjoying it!

Youkoforever- Here an early update! hugs Thanks for review!

Kimikoduko- Oh, I love KuroganexFye! But I found this triangle had a messy angsty potential... XD Thanks so much for your review! You kinda tempted me however, into writing some KuroganexFye angsty in future chapters.

Anyways! This chapter is for you guys! Thanks for the reviews!

Oh and I must do a self-advertising thing here- I'm writting a FF8 and 10 AU crossover based on Hamlet, so go R&R! Lots of angsty in future- promise. XP Thanks!

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We used to have so much together,_

_But the dusk is already a different shade._

Don't you know what is it like?

To wait at your bed countless hours after night, before dawn, during the day.

So many hours that have no meaning whatsoever.

Time just seems to stop while I'm with you, but I can't take it anymore. It hurts, every time. What are you doing? Doing to us?

Am I just not important anymore?

_You used to always hold me gently, now _

_you only push me away._

_Your coldly cast away heart is_

_wandering aimlessly_

The anger won't dissipate from me. I feel betrayed by those closer to me. You and Fye.

Why?

All I wanted was to be by your side, did I ever ask for me? Even now, it still hurts, why am I waiting for you to come?

_If you say such mischief exists, _

_it's strange to close your eyes _

_beneath the wintry sky_

You won't.

Yet, I'm still here.

One day, I guess that's what they'll remember me by, foolish Yukito. I guess it was foolish to give your everything to someone who was not going to do the same in return.

_We used to have so much together, but_

_I can't get by on just one word._

_Quickly leave, now is the time_

I'm so tired.

The hurt won't go away, no matter how many countless hours I wait. No matter how many scrolls I dig into. It won't go away. My dreams won't go away. Yet, they are mere fragments now, shattered by your cold will.

You and him.

Everything inside this disgusting place reminds me of you, I hate it. As I hate you and him.

_We used to have so much together,_

_But the dusk is already a different shade._

_At least I can sleep quietly in the moonlight_

Why won't I eat?

The food refuses to settle in my stomach. No matter how much I try, eating when you sit in front is impossible.

Am I pale?

I've always been pale, Touya. I thought that was what you liked about me, but he is even paler, so his fair complexion outshines my own. Although I have known you since childhood... I feel like the third wheel.

I feel like a bad joke.

_If the moon and my fate were to pass away,_

_wouldn't I surely be sad and lonesome?_

_How many times did you not want to hold me? _

My powerless words can pass the weary night 

Touya, I'm still here waiting.

Yet you would not come, am I that unimportant?

Or is it just because you know that I'll be here. You know, that I'll be here, so you don't bother to look?

I'm still here, in case you do look. I want to show you that I'm here.

Maybe... a part of me wants you to stop me. It's too late for that now, isn't it?

_We used to have so much together, but_

_how can this irregular couple _

_make it in such a place?_

You knocked on my door, you wanted to talk.

There was nothing to say.

Why did you bother calling in the first place?

To remind ourselves of the shadows of strangers we've become?

Fye would see I'm offended, but I always choose to be silent, and not let any word slip out my mouth. Doesn't there come a point where you have enough? I've reached that point now.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, is worth this kind of pain.

_We used to have so much together, but_

_when we started to meet something was revealed _

_in your mysterious, dark profile,_

Suspended in the deepest confusion 

I think I understand now, thank you. I understand... to never give yourself away to anyone. Never entirely.

I'm going, I need to go. Seeing you revolt my senses, my longing hasn't gone away. Will it ever stop?

I hope so.

_Where is your heart? _

_Where is it floating?_

_It's as if those eyes _

_are misleading_

To go away, somewhere very far away, a place where nothing will remind me of you. There is a need, that I do this for me.

To stop hurting.

To do what I have to do.

Something for me. For a change, Fye, something for me and no one else. It's alright to be selfish sometimes right?

_We used to have so much together, but_

_I can't get by on just one word._

_Your passion began to flow_

Never ask me why, you wouldn't understand. The fact that you aren't here tells me, how much you don't know me. Don't ask me to be here if you are not prepared to meet me halfway.

I guess, to forget this all, I have to kill it from inside. Until there is nothing left, and I'll do my things, while you do yours. Strangers who were once friends. Did you really think I could get over the hurt?

You're smiling now.

I'm glad for you, enjoy your life and stay away from me. It won't hurt forever, will it? Just stay away, and don't come back. There isn't anything to say. Not from my side. With this letter I've said everything, there's nothing I can hide.

It doesn't matter I guess.

I'm far too gone.

_If the moon and my fate were to pass away,_

_wouldn't I surely be sad and lonesome?_

_How many times did you not want to hold me? _

My powerless words can pass the weary night 

But you know what I really want Touya?

I want a wish.

My wish.

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Note: ;;;; That came out angstier than originally planned, but I hope you guys can enjoy it. I suppose... Yuki really needed to vent out how he felt about everything and well.. the song was playing in the background while I wrote this.

As for what happened at the end of Chapter 6... well. XD You'll find that out in the next chapter. I promise. Sorry again for the short chapter. XP

Also, I'm going away tonight and won't be back till Tuesday, only to leave again on Saturday... so updates might take a while... but reviews encourage me to write faster- no matter the circumstances. throws plushies to attract reviwers


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